Santa
Susanna Spain
An
Introspective Report
Like
a scene out of the Steve Martin film “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”,
my fiancé Ross and I flew, rode and trekked our way to Santa Susanna
Spain to compete in the Pro Fitness Grand Prix on October 23rd,
2007. We kept reminding ourselves that all the preparation,
expense, travel, and lack of sleep would be worth it if we could earn
the honor of an Olympia qualification. We thought that a top
three placing at this event was a realistic goal since the competitor
list was the shortest I had competed in yet, half of the girls I had
already beaten earlier this season and I was fresh off a fourth place
finish at the All Star Pro. My physique was even tighter and
my routines were ready to rock.
All of our IFBB
Fitness rounds were done in one show intermingled with the IFBB Men’s
bodybuilding rounds.Our first two rounds were the two piece and one
piece suits. The two piece callouts favored Rosi Mena, Vlasta
Gruberova and Stephanie Worsfold. The one piece callouts had Rosi,
Myriam Capes and Stephanie Worsfold as the favorites. The
look they were going for was definitely different than I was used
to. The most muscular girls were rewarded and it seemed the
bigger the better.
Despite being
disappointed by my call outs, I knew it was time to refocus for the
remaining two rounds to come. The 45 second mandatory routine
consists of 5 mandatory moves that must be done in proper
order. At the end of the round, I noticed that at least 3 of
the competitors including Rosi Mena, Myriam Capes and Vlasta Gruberova
, did not complete all of their mandatory moves. In past
shows when this has occurred, the athletes have been disqualified from
that round or placed last in that round. I thought this would
have brought their scores down so I was re-energized with the hope of
moving up in the placings.
In the two
minute routine round, Myriam went first with her high flying and
entertaining routine and was followed by Stephanie performing her
pirate themed routine. Next up was Vlasta who performed a
different kind of routine with lots of hip hop and other
dancing. I had performed my routine twice on stage
earlier in the season with great results so I was extremely comfortable
with performing it and was proud of my execution of it at this
event. Next Rosi performed a very dramatic routine and Kendra
wrapped things up by bringing back her beautiful Phantom of the Opera
routine.
In the end, Rosi won the event and the
crowd went crazy. There were bull horns blasting and people
jumping from their seats. Myriam placed second and Stephanie
earned the final Olympia qualification in third. Vlasta took
fourth place and Kendra finished in fifth. In last place-was
me.
Disappointed to say the least, I quickly shook it off and
focused on the urgent matter of going out to get something to
eat. My fiance Ross and I spent several hours eating,
talking, laughing and having a great time with Kendra Elias and her
husband Michael.
It wasn’t until the evening had come to a close, the lights
went out and Ross fell asleep that the tears came. Left alone
in the dark with the sounds of the Spanish night, it all sank
in. I had placed last in this show that I had worked
extremely hard for and had come halfway across the world for.
Not only did we not get the Olympia qualification that we had hoped
for, but I placed dead last. My competitive career has
definitely had its ups and downs through the years. I have
always been proud of my ability to pick myself up show after show and
continue to improve and get back on stage no matter what.
This however, was an extreme test of the fortitude of my
character. Alone with my thoughts they raced out of
control. This is my third season in the Professional ranks
and I began to question myself. “Am I not cut out for
this?” “Do I really not have what it takes?”
Writing has always been therapeutic for me so I grabbed my notebook,
sat on the bathroom floor so as not to disturb Ross with the light and
through the tears began scribbling down my thoughts.
 I
kept replaying in my head the moment one of the officials came back
stage, pointed at me and said “Number four, you are not in the top
five.” It felt to me as if he may as well have thrown his
head back with laughter, pointed and yelled, “YOU are the biggest
loser, you are the WORST one here!” My first thought was for
my fiance Ross. I knew it would be horrible for him out there
in the audience to not see me come back out for the top five.
I think about how tough the competitions are on the significant others
who live through the experience with us, often being more nervous and
more upset if things don’t work out as we’d hoped. Then I
think about everyone back home who has supported me, cheered me on
throughout my preparation and who believed in me. I feel that
I have let them down. The sane part of me knows this not to
be true and experience has shown me that no matter how I place, my
friends, family, clients and fans remain steadfast in their love and
support. Unfortunately at this moment, my thoughts are far
from sane. I thought of all my fellow competitors who were
already qualified for the Olympia that were at home hoping I would be
joining them in Las Vegas. I felt like a high school student
left out of the popular kid’s party.
The one bright point that came to me was that I realized the
reason I was so upset was because I do strongly love what I do and am
passionate about it. It confirmed to me how badly I want to
fulfill my dream of competing in the Olympia.
So do we give up when things seem at their worst?
When it seems hopeless and impossible? Part of me would like
to say yes, let’s just quit and then all this would stop. No
more disappointments, no more heart breaks. But that’s never
been me and it isn’t me now. If I have to be the example to
everyone who has ever had to fight their way through trials and
tribulations to reach their goals, so be it. I’ll be the one
to show you that you CAN dust yourself off, you CAN do whatever it is
you need to do to improve and you CAN reach your goals. I
will do that by competing in the Olympia one day. You can all
come out to watch and we can celebrate for everyone who has ever felt
they couldn’t go one more step but did anyway and triumphed in the
end. Then we’ll know that anything is possible.
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